I normally do not venture to far from my husband during his off time. We enjoy being around one another and value the alone time we do get although our intrests vary greatly. Last Friday was no different, I wanted to listen to a friend play a show at a local venue, we had no babysitter, and Andy wanted to play video games. I found our new friend was going to the event and Andy decided he would be all right if I went. I hastily prepared for my last minute plans and was surprised when Andy rushed me out of the door.

The event was BYOB so I turned into a liquor store to grab a six pack of beer. As I did I saw a woman riding her bike in my headlights. I slowed to almost a complete stop when she lost her balance and fell over. I pulled into a safe spot and made sure she was okay before proceeding to make my purchase. A few minutes later I arrived at my destination and my friend came out to great me. I entered the venue and almost immediately became paralyzed by social anxiety. I felt so weird to be out without Andy or another family member, but it was also fun.

My friend helped himself to a seven layer dip and I quietly stood by the kitchen cabinets and took in the scene. A man approached me and introduced himself and when I replied with my name, he responded that his brother had the same name as me. We chatted for a bit and then we made our way to the back balcony so the group could smoke. I gazed at the Fayetteville skyline while the others laughed and chatted and checked my phone. Andy had messaged me, just to check in. I smiled and began to relax and we checked in with each other throughout the night.

The man that introduced himself to me apparently took a liking towards me and I spent most of the evening deflecting his advances, I was there to see my friend not hook up with a random man. We laughed as the man continued to try to touch my breasts, he was being polite and asking but I was not going for it. As the night wound down, we helped clean up the venue and proceeded to get ready to leave. I checked my phone and Andy had been texting and was not happy with my lack of contact over the last hour or so.

We stayed out later than I expected and Andy began to get annoyed, as is understandable. When we arrived at the house, Andy was asleep on the couch. I tried to wake him so we could visit with our friend for a moment, but he did not wake up. The tension was fairly thick so I sat between my husband and our friend on the couch. Andy finally got up and went to bed upset, and I stayed to visit with our friend until he fell asleep.


I invited him to the bedroom, but he declined. I left and went to my bed with my husband, however we went to sleep with much tension between the two of us. The next morning was a bit better, but Andy was still visably upset. I took our friend back to his vehicle and we said our good-byes. I thoroughly enjoyed my night out, and I also learned valuable experiences for my relationship. Andy and I discussed his feelings about the previous night’s events and I listened and understood his concerns. 

While I never imagined I would go to an event with another man I was attracted to while being a married woman, I have to say it was really a great time. My husband would have been miserable at the venue and the music was not anything he would ever listen to. I got to see one friend perform, which I thoroughly enjoy, and get to know our new friend better at the same time. We did not kiss, we did not have sex, we held hands and we talked. It felt really wonderful to be able to connect with someone I like to be around and knowing that even annoyed, my husband would be waiting for me without a worry of him leaving me.

I am proud we have a relationship in which I can go do the things I want with the people I enjoy being around and not have to feel guilty about it. Of course I missed my husband on my night out, but I also know how uncomfortable and miserable the evening would have been for all of us had we insisted he be present as well. Of course jealousy pops its head in, my heart jumped when I saw him entering data on a dating sight, but it was short lived after a brief conversation. 

My main concern was that he had downloaded it without telling me first and I wanted to know if he was going to let me in on the knowledge. He assured me he was and my feelings subsided. I want my husband to meet someone that he can enjoy spending time with doing his intrests and in turn allow me to do the same with mine. I enjoy the value our new friend adds to our relationship currently, with the negative and positive emotions that have arisen. 

I know I’ll be jealous when my husband does meet another pretty lady to spend time with, but I love him enough to know that he would pick someone that added value to our relationship as well. While I never expected to be in this type of relationship, I am thrilled at where we are at this far and I’m beyond excited to see where things go from here. I have learned through this experience that as we continue to grow and change, our relationships must grow and change to fit. Growth is uncomfortable, but it is necessary for relationship survival, and that is one lesson I can say I am proud to have learned through this experience.

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